Monday, July 14, 2008

Growing Up in Politics...

The world of politics is a thing that I have always abhorred.

You see I was raised by a family who are heavily involved in politics especially on my mother's paternal side where I spent the first 12 years of my life. Majority of the relatives that has created a significant role of my life during childhood are from my mother's side. Way back then, I thought it was a family's role to always lead people, to organize them, and to make them feel part of us. Well, it was none of such a huge political clan but it operates on the level of a barangay, a remote barangay at that, where my grandfather used to rule. But to my young mind, I thought that being looked upon is a natural-given role that the best among my kins should play. Even within our nuclear family, my parents endowed in my hands the chance to discipline my own siblings, being the eldest child; it doesnt matter if I were a girl, at least during the first twelve (12) years of my life. Even when I was already away from home studying in a city only enjoying frequent visits from my parents and younger siblings, my parents continually instill in my younger brothers and sister, respect to my decision. It went on and on and I thought the role is a thing that naturally belongs to me.

Nonetheless, my natural need to always put God in my life, seem to pave a way in molding me on how it is to be a servant leader like Christ. I had that chance to learn them. It was a painstaking endeavor to extract away from myself the thought that leadership is actually not a thing I can demand on others but a thing that I must continually work for. I was introduced to a new concept of leadership. I learned to reach out to others but always and always, it keeps on coming back to me how I was raised. And admittedly, it always show in my demeanor. Most of the time, I tend to speak more fully when I am among good and intelligent men because I could sense that I can relate to them in many things. And I only keep very few female friends. I can count them on my fingers. And this attitude creates a negative impression about me especially within the context of Filipino culture. It is not a normal trend that a woman imbued with delicate features could actually relate in mind towards the male psyche. And for many times I thought that if I didn't possess such a very feminine nature, I would not be subjected to such negative impression. This struggle is a constant experience. And I would always attribute it to the fact, that subconsciously I carry the thought that there's no dileanation between a man and a woman as far as leadership is concerned. I am still a product of how my family raised me despite the various learning I received.

But I find myself in dichotomy at all times because I still carry an antagonism and bias against many people in politics. I do not like the way they behave and think about other people. And most probably because, I do not like most of them heavily engaged in corruption, in lousy public service and in mediocre moral values. Or maybe because I felt that my own kins are also into it. And I did not like them acting like little politicians and not bringing any improvements in their personal lives in many aspects. And I wanted so much to evoke change and bring God's values into their political lives. My kins wanted me to carry the yoke of carrying that aspect of going into the realm of politics. I just turn them down thinking that service is a thing I can better do among people who keeps low profile, people who works even when no one gives them public acclamation, only living in the hidden thought that their service are rewarded when they shall finally be rewarded in Heaven.

That has always been my thought. But on the other hand, I kept asking myself, should I allow evil politicians to dominate in governing the country that I love? I was always looking for an answer because I really have real concern for the country of my birth.

And then I met a man who is heavily engaged into politics who eventually became a well-respected friend. His works are truly marked by exemplar public service, free from corruption and he has the ability to work with the downtrodden just as he gains the respect of many good people in the society. This man somehow created light and new perspective that good people can actually have a way in governing this country. That for so long as there are still many good and selfless people willing to cast their votes for this kind of politician, then this country has still hopes because deep in my heart I still have so much faith in the heart of Filipino people.

Well, in many years, the man I talked about, married me a couple of years ago. And so, I now find myself being part once again in the world of politics, brushing elbows with many of them, some I truly like, some I can never like, some I still try to like.

The politics that I abhorred becomes mine and my hopes are high that this man continues to bring his idealism into the real world. And more than anything else, I pray that his talent should not be attributed mainly as his own, but a gift coming from God, hence, should be put to good use and in the end God's glory shall be manifested in his humble service. And I pray that I would continue to be a woman, a wife, and hopefully a mother, faithful to life of service in whatever form,taking my strength from the One who made us all.

In the end I'd say... I had experience growing up in politics, abhorred it but is now married to a politician. God's way is totally beyond me. And I have no right to find explanation. I just make myself His own and follow every step that comes along the way. It's no easy road, its no easy task, but I must do my share as God directs it. And so must all of us, however God molded us!

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